What time is it?

Originally published June 2, 2023

Time is a measure we use to navigate our days - and our nights. It helps us keep track of our days, weeks, months, and years. Time is how we manage where we need to be when we need to be there, and all the things we need to do. Like when Mondays were Momdays, the day I spent with my mom doing all the "things", having lunch, and being together.

Time has progressed and we no longer spend our Mondays together. In fact, "What time is it?" is now a constantly repeated question I hear in any conversation with my mom. Not just once, but many many times.

So, what time is it? It's 24 hours in an emergency room. 7 weeks in an acute care hospital bed, and now 10 days in a long-term care facility. For me, it has been a long, hard, and emotionally overwhelming time. As overwhelming as it has been for me, I am certain there are no words to describe how it has been for my mom. I wish she had the words. I wish my mom had her words.

What time is it? It's time to speak openly about the weight of dementia. The weight individuals who have dementia carry, but even more so, the weight of their caregivers. Every moment, every conversation, every event is smothered in loss. It is exhausting.

On any given visit, my mom can ask many of the following - and often repeatedly.

How did you get in here in the middle of the night? What time is it?

Why are they bringing me breakfast? What time is it?

They brought me food 5 times today. Why do we have to eat in the middle of the night? What time is it?

Why do they make me go back to bed when it's daytime? What time is it?

Where do you live? Have I ever been there? How long does it take you to get here? What time is it?

Time. Our lives begin, expand, and end with time. If you reflect on your life, it's likely you use the years as time markers for memories. I know I do. Births, deaths, and significant memories can all be "tagged" by date and time.

Dementia erases time. Dementia erases the people and the memories time has given us. Dementia erases everything your loved one ever was. Sometimes I feel my mom has become a chalkboard where most everything has been erased, except the cloudy white blur of chalkdust that remains. So much so, that sometimes I can actually smell the chalkdust.

What time is it? It's a difficult and heartbreaking time.

What time is it? It's time to love, to reconcile, to walk, to write, to grieve, to breathe.

What time is it? It's time to love.

_______________

About the author:

Karen Hendrickson is an Elevation Coach, focused on helping others to rewrite their life story, befriend their mortality, and find the richness and magic that lives at the intersection of our lives where life and death meet. When we allow our authentic self permission to shine our life becomes full of MAGIC and GREATNESS. Contact karenttjourney@gmail.com and start working with her today!