Fear - A Roadblock?

Apr 4

5 min read

Originally published September 26, 2019

Fear: noun; an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

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Lately, I have been reminded of the power FEAR can have over us; both as a roadblock and also as an intense motivator to create change for ourselves. We all know fear and I am certain all of us have experienced times in our lives when we let fear win. When we let our fear stop us from saying something; trying or doing something; taking care of ourselves; and being true to ourselves. FEAR.

Like you, I have many fears. A big FEAR is the dentist. I have said many times "I would rather die than go to the dentist". Really? Yes, really; or so I thought.

I have had some very bad, very painful experiences at the dentist. The FEAR of those experiences has held me back from doing the best for my teeth and my health. My FEAR "permitted" me to forego necessary regular dental exams. For longer than I care to admit. For some time now, Paul has been "encouraging" me (pestering actually) to see his dentist.

At first, I couldn't even engage in the conversation. I would feel oozy. My head would spin. My stomach would be upside down, and I didn't know if I would vomit ... pass out ... or both. I would simply leave the room, while he was still talking about it. Always saying, "You don't understand. You don't get it. I would rather die! than go to the dentist."

And so it went, for months. Paul would tell me how great his dentist Dan was; how wonderful Selina the hygienist was; and how they'd take really good care of me. Still ... my head would spin, my stomach would churn ... and I'd leave the room.

FEAR. Fear was a roadblock; prohibiting me from doing the very thing I knew was good for me. FEAR. I was giving FEAR permission to win.

Three weeks ago, as my hands were wrapped around my favourite mug, and I was peacefully enjoying my 2nd cup of morning coffee - Paul started again. I was angry. How dare he disrupt our tranquil and delicious morning ritual of quiet - with this! Honestly! Was he ever going to stop? No. No he wasn't.

As I put my cup down and was about to leave the room ... he said, "It's okay, hunny bunny. Why don't you just come with me? You can meet Dan and the ladies. You will really like them. There is nothing to worry about. You don't have to get anything done; don't even have to sit in a chair if you don't want to. Please..." This time, somehow, something was different. I knew he was right - I should go. But this FEAR was bigger than me. So much BIGGER than me.

But I thought ... if I only have to meet these people - maybe I could do that. I didn't have to sit in a chair. I didn't have to even open my mouth - that wasn't so much to be afraid of. Was it? My FEAR became a little quieter, a little smaller, as I even more quietly heard myself say "Okay. Okay, I will go, but I'm not opening my mouth, or sitting in a chair ... or having anything done."

Paul's only response: "That's great hunny bunny! They are so excited to meet you!" Really,? Ya sure.

So we went. I was sick to my stomach and couldn't even speak. As I sat in the truck it was the longest drive I'd ever taken. Tears filled my eyes at the mere thought of where we were going. I couldn't look at Paul, and I certainly couldn't talk to him. No matter how hard he tried. And then ... we arrive. We are there. OMG, what have I done! FEAR grew larger. As we walked into the dental office, my lips quivered. I couldn't speak. I couldn't look at anyone ... and tears rolled down my cheeks. They all smiled, nodded, and acknowledged how BIG my fear was. They told me it was okay. They simply let me breathe.

On that first visit, I did eventually sit in a chair ... and I even opened my mouth. Dan poked around and Selina took x-rays. They let me lead on how much or how little they did that first visit. They listened to my story. They didn't try to minimize or dismiss my fear. They let my fear sit in the room with us. I was anxious and teary throughout the visit. In the end, I couldn't get out of there fast enough ... but I did leave with everyone's congratulations AND another appointment booked. I had done it - gone around the roadblock of my FEAR, and it became quieter.

Today, was the 2nd appointment. Again this morning I was sick and anxiously afraid. Today my FEAR was still in the room, but it was smaller. This was a bigger visit than the first. Some actual dental work was done. I survived, with still another appointment booked. I am feeling stronger, and slightly bigger than my fear now. I am no longer permitting my FEAR of the dentist to hold me back. I am learning how to move forward with my FEAR. Feel the fear and do it anyway ...

FEAR. We all have it. Whether it's fear of the dentist, fear of leaving a long-standing marriage or relationship; starting a new job or a new business; putting yourself out there; promoting yourself, your business - your brilliance. We all have FEAR of something. So how do we learn to move forward and grow with it? How do we stop giving FEAR permission to keep us small? How do we quiet the fear, and make things happen?

We do this:

Acknowledge the fear and accept that it is real.
Set a goal and take small action steps that move you forward, with and despite your fear.
Ask for support from others who will be your cheerleaders as you take action.
Recognize and reward yourself for the actions taken.
Say goodbye to your fear, as it is no longer a roadblock and it becomes a motivator instead.
Celebrate how far you have come and the success you have achieved!

This is exactly how I am overcoming my FEAR of the dentist. I started with a tiny step - going to the dental office. This turned into a 2nd appointment, and now a 3rd.

I have a large team of cheerleaders - who even though they do not understand the extent of my fear - they do respect and believe in me. I know I will always have FEAR of the dentist, but I also know, with each step my fear will get quieter - and smaller. My fear will still sit in the dental chair with me, and I will do it anyway!

We own our FEAR and everything that comes with it. We can't ignore it and pretend it isn't there - because it is. We can learn how to move forward with our fear. You get to decide. What will you choose? Will you let your fear win? or will you find the strength to quiet the fear and go around (or over) the roadblock, so that you can WIN? Today, I am choosing to WIN despite my fear. How about you?

"Feel the fear and do it anyways." - Susan Jeffers

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About the author:

Karen Hendrickson is an Elevation Coach, focused on helping others to rewrite their life story, befriend their mortality, and find the richness and magic that lives at the intersection of our lives where life and death meet. When we allow our authentic self permission to shine our life becomes full of MAGIC and GREATNESS. Contact karenttjourney@gmail.com and start working with her today!